published on 15 August 2010
***Nanay One would have been 87yr old today and its 5 days before the 40th day since her death. catholics believe that those who die ascends into heaven 40days after death***
At times like this…
i wish I had the gift of poetry or prose…
so I could write in eloquent words...
what i want to say about my aunt...
whose name is Asuncion...
but, even if this is far from being a literary piece...
for what its worth, still, i want to say these...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Nanay One...
now that you're already gone...
you're sorely missed by everyone.
when the idea of writing something for you came up...
i knew, it’s not going to be easy…
where, how, do I start this…
for each time i reminisce…
i see an entire lifetime of service…
to your family…
to your nephews and nieces…
to your relatives and friends...
i cannot help but be overly emotional...
sentimental...
be engulfed in grief.
For every school uniform…
for every birthday dress…
and for every wedding gown that you have sewn…
not to mention every dish that you cooked…
there’s no way in the world…
that your existence will be forgotten…
no, that's not gonna happen...
with fondness…
and gratefulness…
you will always be remembered affectionately…
by those of us who has been on the receiving end of such generosity.
I wish that there was some way i could have spared you…
the discomfort you had to endure for more than a year…
for even as you suffer…
i could not bring myself to ask our good Lord to take you…
im sorry, the fault is partly yours…
you helped raise a selfish girl who could not let go of you.
i realized early on…
that no matter how long i convince myself to take this on…
i could never be prepared for a moment like this…
and that, this is just how the cycle of life is...
i guess...
i knew…
just like when Ninang died…
when you go...
a part of me will die too.
Like many catholics, whose faith is still very much lacking...
in my conversations with God since you became ill...
i found myself asking…
to Him i would say…
when will your suffering end…
why did He allow this to happen to you…
why did He torture me in this way…
giving me the center and front seat…
for me to witness up-close how your body slowly waste away…
He whispered to me, in His way…
“this is your chance to return the favor”…
then...
i understood…
and accepted...
we have not served you enough yet.
Right then and there…
i wish i was a better person...
or a better person was given the priviledge…
for I know my own limitations…
you and Mamay deserve better...
much, much better…
than li’l ole me…
who was raised to always depend on someone else…
now the one being depended on.
No amount of praise…
nor highfalutin words…
not even my tearful eyes…
nor my grateful heart…
is enough…
to convey my sentiments…
to an aunt whom I also consider one of my nanay…
who was there from the moment of my birth…
to make herself available…
to serve…
to help…
to care…
and to love…
the children her late youngest sibling left behind.
so...
with a heavy heart...
i say...
go…
you're free...
go home to your creator...
He is calling you...
you have done what He wants you to do…
you have lived a long and productive life…
go where there is peace...
and eternal happiness...
you of all people deserve this rest...
im sooo glad you're finally free from suffering and pain...
Mission Accomplished Nanay One…
take all our expressions of love and gratefulness with you...
BON VOYAGE.
