Saturday, April 16, 2011

==> The Hero is a HEEL

* before reading this entry, i would strongly suggest that everybody should please, please, please, take time out to watch "BATAS MILITAR" for a better understanding of this topic and to know where im coming from. it is informative, an eye-opener, entertaining, has english subtitles and IT IS AN IMPORTANT LESSON IN PHILIPPINE HISTORY(I cannot stress this enough). here are the links(1-11) for "BATAS MILITAR", each video link is just about 10+/- minutes, just click the link:
http://youtu.be/l9qpHqzeF8c
http://youtu.be/7Nac47nIz5Y
http://youtu.be/B2znZ6stj74
http://youtu.be/NYXraW_K2tg
http://youtu.be/vVLhBmgs_ZI
http://youtu.be/59zPM0v1ihA

http://youtu.be/UlzY7t0f460
http://youtu.be/-GN8OHufNwI
http://youtu.be/hX-jjS49esg
http://youtu.be/Bvfv3c3YRnI
http://youtu.be/4VsyDC9gTQE




I have a confession to make …as early as last month, my fingers were already seriously itching to write about this topic BUT, for some “secret” reason I stopped myself from typing anything, not even a single word. I was happily cruising along, minding my own business until, KABOOM! …before I knew it, this controversial issue is taking center stage again and exploded in my face, taunting me to write something …daring me to say my piece. Suffice it to say, after reading other comments and opinions, some hilariously funny and well crafted, others …well it succeeded in putting me in a “ dangerously pissed” mood …knocking on my sense of fairness at the injustice! Baby, its time to let off some steam. Honestly, i avoided writing anything about this neverending controversy. Not because I couldn’t care less OR I wasn’t interested enough. On the contrary, I was just trying to avoid putting myself in a foul mood. And, writing about the Marcoses and the role they played in this country’s history is for me a sure guarantee for stress overload! But what can I do, the debate on whether to allow Marcos’ burial at the Libingan is no longer just that, BUT lately, there are clear attempts to distort history and there are people who now wants to portray the man we once ousted as a hero? In the past few days, the loudest voice came from Marcos’ former Agriculture secretary, now a congressman from Sorsogon, who filed a resolution in the house and was able to muster 200+ votes from his fellow congressmen to allow the burial of Ferdinand Marcos at the Libingan. This man is Salvador Escudero and yes, he just happens to be the father of a senator named Chiz Escudero(is it any wonder why I never trusted the glib-talking Chiz, then and now?)… Whether their opinion on this issue was brought about by sheer ignorance or an honest-to-goodness opinion/values/beliefs based on strong principles, I have no idea. That is between them and their conscience …if they have one.


While it is indeed EXHAUSTING to argue over some things specially one as touchy as this, sometimes I just cant seem to dodge it, I end up being reeled slowly in. BUT for the people who doesn’t know any better …FOR the youth of this country who never knew what it was like under martial rule ...FOR the victims and their families who are still waiting for justice to be served …FOR all the misguided people with a warped sense of values …FOR all of them, I WILL CONTINUE to educate, inform and tell the story, over and over and over again, if I have to. This subject is sooo sensitive, it touches a raw nerve on some people, as you can tell, me included. You may ask, but why YOU, its not as if a member of your(meaning mine) family has been killed or tortured or raped or disappeared/abducted never to be seen or heard from again because of “martial rule”. PEOPLE, last I heard, its not a crime TO STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT. I don’t need to wait for a loved one to be a victim of an evil and sinister government for me to get involved and speak-up when there is gross injustice against my own race or any other race for that matter. IT’S THE LEAST THAT I CAN DO. Indifference and turning a blind eye, that kind of an attitude breeds evil and dangerous leaders who thinks the nation they lead and govern are their own private kingdom and all of us are their slaves with zero rights(a la Ampatuan). While I cannot do what they do, I can only admire legitimate activists who go out there in the field, scream at the top of their lungs, calling attention on important issues, hoping to effect positive changes in our society. ME, I can only do this …rant on my personal blog.


I have heard it all before, I mean opinions contrary to mine as far as THIS subject is concerned. Sure, I wanna hear them all, bring it on. If you think you can contribute something to the enlightenment of this opinionated yet humble blogger, educate me por favore. But please come prepared and review your history first before you open your mouth or type a nescient comment. I so hate arguing with people who pretends to be knowledgable on something when they obviously are not. its all out there, fully documented …the human rights victims, the court cases that has been won/lost/dismissed, the hundreds of millions of dollars recovered by the PCGG, the loot that they tried but failed to sneak in US airports when they flew to America in disgrace, the multi million dollar bank accounts in different overseas banks including a swiss account under the names of William Saunders a.k.a Ferdinand Marcos and Jane Ryan a.k.a Imelda Marcos(complete with their specimen signatures under those names!), the cronies that acted as their dummies to run businesses that they snatched from oligarchs when they dared to oppose the regime, and the list of atrocities goes on and on and on.



Ok, ok …some are arguing that at this time when our country is facing crisis after crisis after crisis because of recent world events, upheavals everywhere and destructive natural disasters, let this nation unload some of its excess baggage, and besides, the guy has been dead for many years now anyway, there are those who say, “let him be buried where the family wants to bury him and put closure on that ugly part of our history so we can all move forward”. Again …SURE, im all for closure and moving forward BUT …wait just a minute, HOLD IT, Marcos’ thick-faced descendants want to bury him in a place called “Libingan ng mga Bayani”(Cemetery of Heroes). IS THAT A JOKE? It is a joke right? But why no laughter from anybody? Oh I know, it is not a joke, they are serious, THEY SIMPLY WANT TO MOCK US! Yes US, those who think that Marcos is a thief, a tyrant, a fake war “hero” with fake medals …a power hungry dictator with blood in his hands.

What I want from the Marcos family is simple, AT THE VERY LEAST, a show of REMORSE or an ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF RESPONSIBILITY over the abuses that resulted from the imposition of Martial Law by that administration coming from HIS family who are now public officials. THAT IS CLEARLY CALLED FOR IN THIS CASE. The parents, the wives, the children, the family of the dead or the STILL missing, NEEDS to hear that FROM THE MARCOS FAMILY for their own closure. it doesnt even have to be an "i am sorry" a la Gloria, just a heartfelt statement of regret to those who suffered, i think would be most welcome. For once, lets put ourselves in their place to better understand their plight. Some ugly personalities would even dare to say that, “oh, those victims are a bunch of communists anyway” …ughhh, excuuuse me??? That kind of sweeping statement has no place in a civilized society such as ours, besides, differences in ideology does not mean we shoot and harass and torture and jail those whose beliefs are unlike ours. The insensitivity of a callous mind.


OK, last na to, promise ...Here’s another favorite comment that I would often hear that could only come from an ignorant mind Some say …”during Marcos’s time the Philippines was quiet and peaceful and rich!”. teka, teka, teka, sumakit yata ulo ko dyan. Tell me, WHERE DO I BEGIN IN MY REBUTTAL OF THAT STATEMENT??? Papatulan ko ba??? O sige na nga patulan ko ng konti, konti lang …when FM declared martial law, ALL the TV stations were closed down, eventually some reopened but ALL under new management …under the management of The Government of the Republic of the Philippines. In a nutshell, media was 100% controlled by government. in those days, “quiet and peaceful” does not mean everything in the country was rosy and everybody was blissful therefore no bad news, it simply means the BAD NEWS ARE NOT BEING REPORTED on TV. So there is this eerie and surreal feeling of calmness that comes from a public barred from knowing the reality of what’s going on out there. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather know what im up against versus complete ignorance and disconnect. They will let you see ONLY what they want you to see. In that scenario, do you think they will air anything ugly??? So in “Madame’s” famous words, in those days all you would see are “the true(her truth), the good and the beautiful” . And as if to prove a point, beautifully erected fences were built around the areas were informal settlers(the politically correct term these days para sa mga SQUATTER!) resides, in order to hide the “ugliness” of poverty inside. sicko! ...

...who's rich??? granted, when Marcos first came to office the US dollar was maybe 1 is to 1 against the Philippine peso OR granted, let me also buy something they always brag about, the the Philippine economy was second only to Japan when Marcos was president. MANNN, the operative word here is when Marcos first came into office . let us not forget that soon after he came into power, "Sir and Madame" a.k.a. William Saunders and Jane Ryan opened their swiss accounts and started looting the national treasury. of course, not to be outdone, their cronies did the same and "Sir" needs them to stay in power therefore he turned a blind eye. IN FACT, before they left, they left the Philippines heavily indebted by the billions of dollars that to this day Juan de la Cruz is still paying for them! So, if that is your ideal kind of society to live in, by all means worship Marcos to high heavens BUT pleeease, kung pwede lang, don’t expect the rest of us freedom-loving filipinos to embrace and swallow that kind of crap.



Look at this fine example of how outrageous these people are, even proud of their loot. I’ll let you take a guess where they got the money to buy all these… Gen. Yamashita’s treasure??? weH? Nagpapatawa ka?


I better stop myself right this minute before this entry becomes as long as a novel. So now, will somebody pleeease explain to me why a person named Ferdinand Marcos deserves to be interred in a cemetery called Libingan ng mga Bayani(Cemetery of Heroes)??? haaay ...PILIPINAS KONG MAHAL...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

==> no MERCY for MERCI

Several hours ago, The People of the Philippines won. we have won a round in our looong fight against corruption in this country. The Philippine House of Representatives voted to impeach the Ombudsman.

Impeachment is a function of Congress, the House to Impeach and the Senate to Convict. The Office of the Ombudsman, is the government agency that handles complaints and prosecutes cases(mostly graft in this country)against public officials. Its head, Merciditas Gutierrez was impeached by a vote of 46 NO votes, 4 abstained and a resounding 212 YES votes in the lower house of congress. 22 DID NOT VOTE for various reasons ...hmmm, im quite positive none of their reasons can be morally justified at any cost… grrr…


To those of you who may have read some or all of my previous posts about politics in this country, you know that I have a hate-hate relationship with that branch of government. I have mocked, accused, bad-mouthed, made fun, insulted, ridiculed, etc. our honorable members of congress. It didn’t matter to me when Pnoy run on a platform of change and won, ‘coz I knew that the same clowns will be back in that same legislative halls, so I figured, why keep my hopes up when im only bound to be disappointed anyway. With our history of voting for the wrong people, can you blame me for being the queen of sarcasm and cynicism? …I guess not… BUT now......let me take my hats off to our congressmen for proving people like me(whose blood is laced with distrust), WRONG. That democracy no matter how slow and frustrating it may be, is still ideal and COULD WORK IN THIS COUNTRY …so, screw the doomsayers and non-believers that say nothing was achieved in that 1986 revolution other than removing Marcos. This historic impeachment showed what it would be like when we VOTE FOR THE RIGHT PEOPLE and WHEN GOVERNMENT INSTITUTIONS ARE ALLOWED TO WORK. i will no longer question the motives of our representatives for voting and instead choose to believe that they voted according to their conscience.
Let us dissect how they voted …here’s the HALL OF FAME and the HALL OF SHAME ...ang mga BIDA at KONTRABIDA ...at least, sa drama kagabi. im not too sure about every little detail as to who voted YES, but from what I know from recent televisions interviews, mukhang ito ang ilan sa mga bida…

I guess some of the 46 who voted NO are those whom even if you fry them alive would remain bad-to-the-bone, others are cohorts of the previous administration masquerading as representatives of partylist groups whose roots can be traced to the Arroyos, AND a family that made public office a family business. I couldn’t put all their pics, but from the pictures below I’ll let you take your pick as to who is who…

…not missing from the cast are those who ABSTAINED …wait, how do I describe this people… playing safe? …those with non-existent conviction? …unprincipled? …no mind of their own? Hmmm, I guess, all of the above huh…

…there’s the night’s alledge FLIP-FLOP'er ..first it was a NO, then it was a YES. Ano ba talaga kuya??? What do you expect …it must be the genes…


...there’s the night’s famous MIA(Missing In Action) who was sorely missed by his legion of fans and whom I understand exchanged nasty tweets with some netizens on that same night ...conduct unbecoming of a congressman Mr. Pacman, shame on you. Last I heard, he is now insisting that he said via the net that his vote is a NO to impeachment. Why am I not surprised, besides, if youre not there to cast your vote in the flesh, it is NOT COUNTED. With your NO-SHOW im afraid you missed the opportunity to shine even more in a field you vowed to excel in and to bring pride to your constituents…

…not to be outdone is another NO-SHOW. What can i say, ts people like her that gives the House of Representatives a bad name…

…finally, I hope none of you accuses me of being sipsip BUT, I have to give credit where credit is due …to the representative of my own district …KUDOS MR. CONGRESSMAN…

Before I end this, i’d like to say a little prayer for our president …I pray that when the time comes and the president will appoint the next Ombudsman, and may I repeat “when” and not ”if”, that our good lord will shower upon him with utmost discernment and whoever that person may be, that he or she remain loyal to our nation and serve it with honor and pride AND may he or she be able to withstand the scrutiny of a very cynical and skeptic nation. AMEN.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

==> VAMOS RAFA !

While im not in the mood to write anything now, BUT, what can I do, a certain athlete from the island of Mallorca in Spain just made my day. Writing about him is the least that I can do after that amazing performance earlier today.

I had a feeling, when you won the French open this year that it was a major turning point in your career of choice. While it is true that i really really felt bad when you tasted that loss at the hands of Robin Soderling in 2009, now in hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise. Every great champion needs to taste defeat in order to take his game on a higher level. if you know how to win, you should also know how to pick yourself up and regroup after a defeat. That is the mark of a great champion. and it is no coincidence that in the turning point that i was referring to earlier, you defeated the same man that ended your reign in that same court only a year ago, Robin Soderling.

When you were sidelined for almost a whole year and couldnt even win minor tournaments, because of injury according to reports, I was worried. I had a strong feeling that the problem was more mental than physical. While it is true that tennis is a physically draining game, it is also first and foremost, a mental game. You lost your confidence and your focus when you were defeated in your favorite clay court and it took you awhile to get over that hump … boy am I glad that you finally did.
I would have wanted to see you and Fed in more Grand Slam finals, BUT, again, I have this feeling that as far as Fed is concerned, YOU are the biggest complex in his life now. its no wonder that several quarters noted that Fed lost to Djokovic because at that time he already knows that he will be facing YOU if he wins that match, they say, how do you explain that 5 set loss when he was leading 2 sets to 1 in a grand slam event? He is Roger Federer for chrissakes! well, some people can be sooo mean, he's only human, despite what you heard on the contrary. He was actually lucky that you were sidelined for about a year and he was able to bounce back after that back-to-back loss to you in 2008 in the French Open and in his favorite Wimbledon. With Novak Djokovic’s star on the rise, could Fed’s be on a free fall? *Fed fans, don’t bite my head off, just asking*

That was no mean feat you accomplished today, a Career Slam at 24, the youngest ever to achieve that honor. You and I really have to meet one day, I just have to see you in action one of these days. When is the question. In the meantime, congratulations are in order, Felicitaciones Rafa, bien hecho (^.^)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

==> my "SUNDAY BATTLES"

The only task I gave myself in this 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom, 2 kitchen, 2storey house that i call my home which includes a basement, a gazebo and 2 other small building/structures, is to clean 1 room, all 200+ sq. ft. of it … at least once a week. That said room is MINE, and every week there is a battle between my “mature responsible self” and my “lazy slob self”. Last week, im ashamed to say that the former got a beating …booo, let me bury my head in the sand for a while… haay, I have no excuse, not even an imagined illness.

Early on, as in most things that bothers me about …ME, I try to psychoanalyze myself. In this case, to find the reason to my aversion to the entire concept of the word …CLEANING. I don’t know why but, we just never clicked, I was never attracted to it, not even one tinie winnie bit. So imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered that I am allergic to house dust and house dust mites(among other things). I would have bouts of sneezing, watery eyes, hay fever, skin rashes and clogged nose when im exposed to this allergens. Woot, woot, finally, an excuse not to hold that rag or feather duster or whatever it is that one uses for cleaning. I now have a clinical test that gave me the reason and the answer to my question. My conclusion, I don’t like cleaning because cleaning makes me physically and literally …sick! HAHAHA, what a great excuse! From then on, all the cleaning was done by everybody else, except me.

Fast forward by a few years, I got myself treated by an allergy doctor and went tru a treatment called “desensitization” to control my allergies, where they gave me a shot every 2 weeks(?) for, I forgot how many years. To this day, after all that money spent and 1 anaphylactic reaction that could have killed me, I still don’t know if I got better from those shots. Anyway, back to the original topic, ultimately, it was maturity, or at least some semblance of it that made me face the problem head-on. I berated and scolded myself, how can a supposedly well-bred lady sleep in such a messy room, I should be ashamed of myself. well… I am. why didn’t you ask one of your house help to do it, you may ask. that’s a bit of a problem, you see, I have developed a somekind of an OCness about strangers touching my personal effects, tidying my stuff and putting them in places where I couldn’t find them. So that just leaves, ME to do the deed. Besides, me cleaning my room is way overdue. *I think I heard a lot of YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!*

Now … Sundays are “Must Clean My Room” day, but I have to be honest, i STILL dread this day approaching because of this task. Every week, it is a struggle … a battle that I need to win to prove to myself that im a responsible adult. Every Sunday …this 200 sq. ft. of floor space that I call My Room is there challenging me … daring me to prove myself and show my worth. This week, im very pleased to say that my “mature responsible self” won versus this room, YAHOO !!! after that loss last week, I have to redeem myself and pick myself up if I don’t want to continue to slide into the world of the sloth …no,no,no,no,no.

Did I just hear somebody say, “ SO, why did you write about this again?” welllll … its some sorta theraphy for me, so indulge me, okie? ((*.~))

Thursday, September 9, 2010

==> DEAR NINANG



Dear Ninang,

You would have been 88yrs old yesterday. Sorry this came a day late, but, I did greet you in Facebook yesterday and it is still September 8 in some parts of the world :) in the old days, by now there would have been tons of birthday gifts and greetings from friends and colleagues. You would have worn a new dress too, as you always did on your birthday.

let me tell you about OUR ninang. She is a vain fashionista, that’s a fact. I know your everyday routine of washing your face with CY Gabriel Wonder Soap(don’t forget the CY ‘coz without it, its fake!) and putting on Ponds Cream day and night. she will never be caught without powder, lipstick, perfume and stockings outside of our house. Have to call Ason or Fanny(both manicurists) to have your nails done every week and have to go to the salon in Pasay to have your hair trimmed every month. Of course, every so often, the 3 of us, you, mamay and I would make that trip to the fabric shops to get materials for your clothes. The lace and embroidered collars, the electric pleated skirts, the jusi dresses and gowns…oh and your favorite things in the world ... jewelry, perfume, wrist watches, shoes and bags. Haay, I miss our favorite haunt in those days, SM Makati ! you would have been so happy that there are now huge malls 15 mins away from Carmona. Its no secret that you and I have been going “malling” every week even before that word came to the consciousness of most pinoys. She loves to eat out in style. How could I forget one of your famous creed, “ no fastfood for me, I want to be served !” our Ninang who doesnt mind being called Ninang even by those who are really not her "inaanak", me included :)

Ahhh, those were such happy memories that I always enjoy repeating to those who never had the priviledge of meeting you. Some of them are surprised at how close you are to the entire family and even to our extended family and yet, we are not at all related by blood. BUT blood is just genetics right? The bond that ties us goes beyond that, it’s the meeting of souls tied by deeply rooted shared memories and experiences, TOGETHER.

I wish I had more time to write this for you. But the clock is ticking and there is no time to spare for editing, researching and reminiscing. While it is fun to look back at those days, remembering all that also brought tears to my eyes with the realization that your death stopped all that from happening again.

Happy Birthday Ninang, it has been nearly 16 years since you left us but the memories and your words of wisdom is still very much in this house and will remain here for as long as I breathe. You will always be in our prayers and in our hearts. watch over us as im sure you always do and remember us to our good Lord and to our dear Mama Mary in heaven. You were happy with us but I bet you are happiest with Them. I miss you Ninang :)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

==> KULANG PA BA?


*to my english speaking friends, who do not understand pilipino or tagalog, im afraid this entry is not for you. not because i dont want you to understand what's written here but because i felt that this one is better said in my native tongue. BUT, if you insist on knowing the english translation of this, send me a message on FB or on my email account and i'll get back to you.
*parang sinasapian yata ako ng isa sa mga iniidolo kong manunulat na si ginoong conrado de quiros, dahil ito ang minsang kong natutunan sa kanya. na kung ang isusulat mo ay para sa mga Filipino, isulat mo sa wikang Pilipino.

----------oooOOOooo------------

tatagalugin ko na to at ng mas maliwanag.

tutal naman, ang gusto ko namang iparating eh para sa kapwa ko pilipino.

ayoko na nga sanang patulan ang tungkol dito, pero habang tumatagal parang di ko na gusto ang nangyayari, mukhang lumalala tayo.

mapagpasenya kong tao, pero pag sobra na, sinasapian na ko ng dati kong ugali na di kagandahan. sige, tama kayo, hindi maganda ang naging resulta ng mga pangyayari noong ika 23 ng Agosto. isang malaking trahedya and naganap, maraming namatay, malungkot ang mga Intsik at galit sila sa atin. sa madaling salita, bugbog sarado ang imahe ng pilipinas sa kanilang bansa. isang napakalaking blackeye ang ngayon ay nasa mga mata ng bansang Pilipinas. ARAY KO! tinanggalan ng trabaho ang ilang pilipino doon, pinagsasalitaan ng di maganda sa tren(MTR), sa bus at mga tindahan. nung una ang reaksyon ko sa lahat ng ito eh kagaya rin ng iba sa inyo. ang katwiran ko, sige tanggapin na lang natin ang lahat, kasi namatayan sila, nasaktan at aminin natin may mga pagkukulang tayo. palpak ang police, palpak ang gobyerno, palpak ang mga mamamahayag natin, palpak ang buong pilipinas! yan ang sentimiento ng mga Intsik pero ang nakakalungkot, tinutulungan pa natin sila na bugbugin ang sarili natin at tanggapin na wala tayong kwentang bansa. isang napakalaking kahangalan na hayaan natin silang abusuhin ang nararamdaman nating kalungkutan sa mga pangyayari sa pamamagitan ng pagtanggap ng lahat ng pagmamalabis na ito. tama bang pagbayaran ng buong pilipinas at ng bawat pilipino ang lahat ng magiging pagkakamali o kakulangan ng isa o iilan? tama ba yon? may nakapagsabi sa akin, "bakit tayo tuwing may uuwing pilipinong pinatay ng kanilang amo sa ibang bansa ng dahil sa pagmamalupit nila dito, hinahayaan lang natin, pinapayagan, wala tayong galit sa kanila". may katwiran ang tanong, pinagisip ako. dahil kaya mas mabait tayo kaysa sa kanila? hindi naman siguro. mukhang ang tunay na dahilan eh wala tayong masyadong pagtingin sa sarili natin. ang katwiran natin lagi, talagang ganyan ang buhay. MALI, hindi ganyan ang buhay, pag tinatapakan ka, tumayo ka at ipagtanggol mo ang sarili mo. ganon ang mabuhay. pero...

nakakapagod din palang sisihin ng sisihin ang sarili mo at sipasipain pa, lalu nat bagsak ka na para sa isang bagay na talaga namang di mo alam na kung nangyari sa isang mayamang bansa eh di rin ganon ang magiging katapusan... na marami ring mamamatay. ang hilig kasi natin ikumpara ang sarili natin sa mga mayayamang bansa, akala natin patas ang pagkukumparang yon. nalilimutan natin na wala tayong pera para bumili ng mga armas na meron sila, walang pagsasanay ang ating polisya na gaya ng sa kanila, sa lahat ng bagay, kapos tayo. sasabihin ng iba, kasi kinukurakot ng mga nanunungkulan ang pondo ng bayan, tama, pero kaibigan kung di mo makita na mas malalim ang ugat ng lahat ng problema natin sa korupsyon, eh nakakaawa ka. tanggapin atin ang katotohanan na kung minsan, MASAKIT ANG MANGGALING SA ISANG MAHIRAP NA BANSA, maging mga sarili mong mamamayan, gusto kang tapakan. hanggat patuloy nating ginagawa ito sa sarili natin, huwag na tayo umasa ng respeto mula sa ibang lahi.

ang makiramay ba tayo at ipagdasal ang mga biktima, ang papanagutin ba natin ang mga may sala at nagkulang, ang humingi ba ng tawad at pangunawa sa pangunguna ng atin mismong pangulo sa isang pangyayari na sinimulan ng isang pilipinong maliwanag na wala na sa tamang pagiisip eh KULANG PA BA? ANO PA BA ANG DAPAT NATING GAWIN? ANO PA BA ANG GUSTO NILA SA ATIN?

Saturday, August 14, 2010

==> HAPPY BIRTHDAY & BON VOYAGE my dear Nanay One

written on 27 July 2010
published on 15 August 2010











***Nanay One would have been 87yr old today and its 5 days before the 40th day since her death. catholics believe that those who die ascends into heaven 40days after death***


At times like this…
i wish I had the gift of poetry or prose…
so I could write in eloquent words...
what i want to say about my aunt...
whose name is Asuncion...
but, even if this is far from being a literary piece...
for what its worth, still, i want to say these...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Nanay One...
now that you're already gone...
you're sorely missed by everyone.

when the idea of writing something for you came up...
i knew, it’s not going to be easy…
where, how, do I start this…
for each time i reminisce…
i see an entire lifetime of service…
to your family…
to your nephews and nieces…
to your relatives and friends...
i cannot help but be overly emotional...
sentimental...
be engulfed in grief.

For every school uniform…
for every birthday dress…
and for every wedding gown that you have sewn…
not to mention every dish that you cooked…
there’s no way in the world…
that your existence will be forgotten…
no, that's not gonna happen...
with fondness…
and gratefulness…
you will always be remembered affectionately…
by those of us who has been on the receiving end of such generosity.

I wish that there was some way i could have spared you…
the discomfort you had to endure for more than a year…
for even as you suffer…
i could not bring myself to ask our good Lord to take you…
im sorry, the fault is partly yours…
you helped raise a selfish girl who could not let go of you.
i realized early on…
that no matter how long i convince myself to take this on…
i could never be prepared for a moment like this…
and that, this is just how the cycle of life is...
i guess...
i knew…
just like when Ninang died…
when you go...
a part of me will die too.

Like many catholics, whose faith is still very much lacking...
in my conversations with God since you became ill...
i found myself asking…
to Him i would say…
when will your suffering end…
why did He allow this to happen to you…
why did He torture me in this way…
giving me the center and front seat…
for me to witness up-close how your body slowly waste away…
He whispered to me, in His way…
“this is your chance to return the favor”…
then...
i understood…
and accepted...
we have not served you enough yet.

Right then and there…
i wish i was a better person...
or a better person was given the priviledge…
for I know my own limitations…
you and Mamay deserve better...
much, much better…
than li’l ole me…
who was raised to always depend on someone else…
now the one being depended on.

No amount of praise…
nor highfalutin words…
not even my tearful eyes…
nor my grateful heart…
is enough…
to convey my sentiments…
to an aunt whom I also consider one of my nanay…
who was there from the moment of my birth…
to make herself available…
to serve…
to help…
to care…
and to love…
the children her late youngest sibling left behind.

so...
with a heavy heart...
i say...
go…
you're free...
go home to your creator...
He is calling you...
you have done what He wants you to do…
you have lived a long and productive life…
go where there is peace...
and eternal happiness...
you of all people deserve this rest...
im sooo glad you're finally free from suffering and pain...
Mission Accomplished Nanay One…
take all our expressions of love and gratefulness with you...
BON VOYAGE
.